my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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