I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
