you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The air was thick with penises
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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