oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
