Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
