it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
