i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
