I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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