I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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