Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
