Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
All the doctor said was why
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
