i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
