I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Randomize
