hotel room ftw
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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