I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
