I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
