I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
