watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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