Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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