Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
