when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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