Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
