Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
