I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
