Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
