Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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