you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
