Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
