She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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