hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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