every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize