I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
