I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
