Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
