I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
