I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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