as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
