I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
