What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i think my cat just said my name.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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