It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
