At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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