All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
