and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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