Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
