If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
