I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
