i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
