After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
