I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
