he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
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