Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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