This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
