YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
