this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
