a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
