well most of my day revolves around power hour
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
whose parrot is this?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
