Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize
