So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
