I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
