I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
