sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
