he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
