i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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