You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
