Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
