I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
