I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
