yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
