and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize