STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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