there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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