The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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