I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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