I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize