i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize