I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
