she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
