don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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