I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
