I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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