Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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