That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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