He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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