Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
