Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
