i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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