I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Two words: nipple clamps
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