Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
