I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
