fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
