How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
