I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
